Friendship Mom

My friend calls me the “mom” of our group of friends. I tend to be the coordinator, the scheduler, the one leading the charge to fun. To be honest, it’s just easier for me to plan things because there is so much I want to do and my schedule is a nightmare. I’m also the listener. I’ve been told I’m easy to talk to, which I’m really proud of, so a lot of people come to me to vent or ask for help with their problems. And I care so much about all of my friends and I worry, I WANT to help when I can. Sometimes I probably invest too much and drive my friends crazy by checking up on them or asking how things are coming along.

Growing up, on occasion I had to be the adult with my parents. I wanted dinner before dessert, or I couldn’t do something fun because I had to do my homework. I’m nothing if not responsible. I pride myself on being someone you can count on. Someone reliable. Even though I’m striving to get further in life, I basically have my shit together. I pretty much know who I am and what I want in life. Maybe that’s why I’m the go-to for my friends. I try to be their rock.

But what about those times when I break down? Or when I’m sick, like I was last week? My friends are definitely there for me, and always offer to help when they can. They’ve listened to me spiral out of control more times than I'd like to admit, and held my hand through several break-ups and a devastating loss. And I know they will always have my back like I have theirs.

I’m talking about something more than friendship, though. I want someone to wrap me up in their arms and kiss my tears away. I want someone to rub my head as I lay on their lap watching a movie. I want someone to plan a surprise for me, or know when I need a nap. I want someone to know when I need to vent and when I need silence. I want someone to hold my hand when I’m stressed, and to cheer wildly after I perform. I’d love to dress up in couples costumes for Halloween, or have movie marathons in our PJs. I’d love to go on long hikes, or crazy adventures like skydiving (again). I don’t need flowers or jewelry or fine dining. And, as a woman in 2016, I’m strong and I don’t need no man, but can’t I have one anyway?

Taking care of everyone can be dizzying, and I don’t want it to stop - nor could I really stop caring/helping if I tried - but can I also have someone to take care of me? In that sweet, intimate way only a significant other can? My life is a whirlwind, and sometimes I need that lifeline to hang onto, to ground me. I need a “mom” too. (Don’t take that the wrong way, real-life Mom! I love you lots!) Right now, I guess Sarge is my “mom”, and he’s a pretty decent one for a cat (in the calming presence way). He knows when I need cuddles and is able to remind me to slow down with his purring. But it’s not the same thing. He's a terrible conversationalist and absolutely refuses to dress up for Halloween.