Board Games Only

I love games - mostly of the board game variety, some video games (although I don’t play much), puzzles, escape rooms, some physical sports/games too. But I am completely over games in the dating world. They’re not fun, I don’t get anything out of them, they’re exhausting. What do I mean by games? I mean this back and forth (or lack thereof) between people, mostly online, that dances around things and never leads anywhere, nowhere good anyway.

Go Back One Space, Move Ahead One Space, Go Back One Space

My favorite game (she says, dripping with sarcasm) is messaging back and forth (regardless of app/text) and flirting just enough to be hopeful, and then never doing anything about it. Don’t flirt with someone online (on a consistent basis) if you’re not interested in ever hanging out. We’re big girls, we can handle honesty. If you’re not interested in dating, don’t lead someone on with cute one-liners and banter only to let them sit in a purgatory of “do they / don’t they like me?” And when someone makes an effort to meet up, either go for it (if you’re interested) or pull the plug and be up front with your disinterest. I abhor being strung along. I have no time for that. I tend to get invested quickly because it’s difficult to find someone I’m remotely interested in. So, if I seem to be into pursuing things, I am. And if that’s the case, either shit or get off the pot because you’re wasting my time otherwise. Time that could be spent on someone who actually gives a shit about me (or at least looking for one).

Lose a Turn

There’s “ghosting,” where you could be talking to someone - even in the middle of a pretty decent conversation - and then they don’t respond for a few minutes. Those minutes turn to hours, hours to days, and you never hear from them again. Did you do something wrong, offend them in some way? Did they get hit by a bus? Did they spontaneously combust? You’ll never know. Then, what’s even better, is when they resurface and act like they never disappeared in the first place, acting like everything is normal and they didn’t just disrespect you and your time. This tactic leaves the ghosted second-guessing every little thing that could’ve made the other person disappear, exacerbating self-doubt and wasting time that clearly wasn’t worth investing in the first place.

Go Directly to Jail

There are people who stand people up, or cancel at the last minute. Currently, for everyone I’m sure, time is valuable. Everyone is busy; saying you’re “busy” is not an excuse. If someone wants to spend time with someone, they will make the effort despite hectic schedules. What I really don’t understand, though, are the people who make plans to meet up, and then either don’t show up or wait until the last second to cancel. It’s like they didn’t realize what day it was and that they are potentially ruining someone else’s day by canceling. If things are looking bad schedule-wise, then let the person know ahead of time (as much as possible) and then try to reschedule. Right then. Because if you don’t, it’s never happening. And respect the other person’s time. They planned their day around meeting up, potentially juggling other events, they have to get ready, they have to figure out travel (something not to be taken lightly in L.A.). Canceling last minute or simply not showing up is one of the most disrespectful things someone can do in my opinion.

Game Over

I’m tired of non-committal flirts. I know what I want. I’m tired of people who don’t. I don’t want to play these games anymore. I’m drained. I only want to be enriched by the games I play and people I spend time with. I have to start being more selective and actually pull the plug on game-players who suck my energy. I have to tap out sooner. As a hopeful optimist, it’s hard, but it must be done. I only want to play games to which I was given rules I understand. Where we’re all on the same page and can enjoy our time together. Games are supposed to be fun, and right now, I’m not having any.

The Rules

I aim to have people in my life that I can count on. I pride myself in being reliable and loyal; I expect the same from those I surround myself with. I want honesty. I want people who don’t flake because I’ve most likely gone out of my way to make time for them. I respect people’s time and feelings; I expect them to respect mine. I want someone who is excited to see me and spend time with me. Chatting online is fine and dandy, and it’s fun to hear from people, but it’s also a symptom of being bored. It’s easy to chat with someone for long periods of time when we’re in front of a computer or our phone all day. It’s an entirely different thing to show up for someone.