Thailand: A Trip to Remember
It’s taken me five years to write this. I’ve thought about many different ways to begin, but I didn’t know how and nothing seemed right. Should I separate the good from bad? Should I write chronologically? How should I write about it? It’s taken me five years to try…
The last vacation I went on was in December, 2013. I went to Thailand by myself, mostly to visit the Tiger Kingdom (I know this is controversial, and I really hope they aren’t drugged there), but also to visit a former co-worker who lived in Chiang Mai. Her living there seemed like the perfect opportunity to take the trip on my own, but not BE alone. I feel like Charles Dickens was writing about my time in Thailand when he wrote, “it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” Like A Tale of Two Cities, this is gonna be a long one, so hold onto your butts…
I suppose I’ll get some of the frustrations out of the way first, even though it might seem like I’m being ungrateful or judgmental, but at least you’ll get a sense of what I was dealing with at the time. My hostess (we hadn’t been close friends before this, just chummy at work) lived with her boyfriend and it was a lovely little place within a bigger community, but it was quite a ways away from the main part of town. Unfortunately, that meant that I had to rely on her and her boyfriend to get to anything I wanted to see. I didn’t know how to call for a tuk-tuk, the open-air motor-bike taxi service, or even where to tell them to go. I suppose that’s a fault of mine for not asking, but I also thought that she would be joining me for most of my activities. Once I was there and trying to coordinate a schedule with her, she told me that she’d be working most of the time I was visiting, leaving me on my own and somewhat stranded. I felt guilty about bothering them for transportation, but I also didn’t fly all the way to Thailand to sit in their house.
Since Thailand is mostly hot and humid year-round, I had only brought light clothes with me and one fleece jacket. During my trip, the weather dipped to the coldest it had been in years. I was not at all prepared for rain, chilly nights and the intense wind while riding a tuk-tuk or my host’s boyfriend’s motorbike. In their guest room, the only bedding they had was a sheet, so I slept wearing most of my clothes to keep warm. One day, my host’s boyfriend came home with a fleece blanket for my co-worker since she was freezing as well, but left me to shiver in the sheet. Not that I expected him to get me one; I was hoping we could get warm blankets when we were out together, but now they didn’t have the need to go anywhere so I was hesitant to ask. Their shower drain was severely clogged, causing it to overflow onto the bathroom floor when I took a shower. I mentioned this to them several times, but they shrugged and did nothing about it. I had bought several large water bottles and kept them in the freezer, but my co-worker’s boyfriend took my last one without asking or telling me. The pillow in the guest room hurt my neck and back, so I asked to sleep on their couch, and did for a little bit, which was actually better. Again, this all seems like petty stuff, but I tried to keep my head down and out of their way as much as possible. Plus, I’m trying to get all of this out of the way so you can understand the state I was in during the trip, even if it makes me the “bad guy.”
The first real day I was there, my host and I went to the Tiger Kingdom. She didn’t participate, but watched/relaxed while I visited all ages of tigers – I bottle-fed a 3-month old, cuddled cubs, made faces at teenagers and laid my head on massive adults. The debate about the potential drugging of the animals escaped me at the time, and I’m not trying to talk about that here. I will say, however, that all the tigers appeared to be well taken-care-of; the teens were even up and about, playing and splashing in their makeshift pool. I had so much fun cuddling the tigers, as big and intimidating as they were. I wanted to take them home with me to snuggle forever.
The next day, I took a solo trip to the Golden Triangle, the White Temple, across the river to Laos, and to the Long-Neck Village. I made some friends on the tour as we soaked our feet in the hot springs of Chiang Rai, took photos of the pop-culture artwork that seemed very out of place at the White Temple and its gorgeous macabre décor, and drank snake whiskey in a little village on the coast of Laos. This might be TMI, but where I was in Laos didn’t use toilet paper, which was an unpleasant shock to me, as my stomach had started to act up. The water scoop was a new concept to me, so I ran around looking for any kind of napkin or tissues – it was kind of a nightmare. We made it to the northern most part of Thailand, roamed the shops and picked up some tasty flavored wines and some memorabilia. Our last stop of the tour was the Long-Neck Village, where the women wear necklaces meant to elongate their necks to achieve their standard of beauty. There, they make various jewelry, scarves and dresses to sell, and were very sweet and accommodating.
So far, other than the annoyances at the house, my trip was going smoothly. That night, back at the house, however, I was on Facebook to check in with my friends and got some terrible news. I received a message from an acquaintance asking me if my college friend Kari had died. Seeing as she was only in her 30s and hadn’t been sick, I was severely confused and thought it must have been a misunderstanding or an ill-conceived joke. I messaged my ex to see if he had heard from Kari’s husband. He knew and had wanted to wait to tell me until I got home. But it was true, my dear friend of almost 10 years had died suddenly and no one knew why. Needless to say, I was shell-shocked and wasn’t quite sure what to do, if anything. I told my hosts what had happened, but this definitely marked a shift in the dynamics of the house. I cried a little, but not much at the time; I was too stunned to even get it through my head. I had no one to talk to about it via the phone, and the time difference made it difficult to talk to anyone via Facebook. I took it in and decided to press forward with my trip. Kari wouldn’t have wanted me to cut it short.
Following a rough night, we had scheduled a trip to the Ran-Tong Elephant Rescue. Here, they saved elephants in dire situations and took care of them – we checked on this one. Since Kari was a staunch animal lover, I knew she would want me to enjoy my time with the elephants. I decided to pay for my co-worker’s trip to Ran-Tong as a thank you for letting me crash at her place, and for all the disruption that came with me. Even though I was very emotionally distraught about Kari, I absolutely loved my time at Ran-Tong, even more than with the tigers. We fed and got “kissed” by a baby elephant with its hair sticking up all over like it got electrocuted; we pet their leathery skin; and marveled at these giant wonders. My co-worker and I got assigned an elephant named Superman to ride, feed and bathe. Riding Superman was insane! We were so high off the ground and only used a rope around his neck to hang on since the baskets people use to ride elephants are harmful to them. I really felt connected to Superman, as well as the other elephants, and found a peace that I so desperately needed. Since this was a legit rescue, I donated money in Kari’s honor.
Another rough night, emotionally and physically, and it was time for me to go to Dragon Flight, a zip-lining adventure through the trees. I was on my own again, but luckily made friends with several guys visiting from Ireland who were also on the trip. As I flew from tree-top platform to tree-top platform, I felt everything else just melt away. It was scary, it was beautiful, and it was so much fun, flying across the jungle with good company.
When I got back to the house, my host wanted to go to her friend’s show that night and I was happy to. It was a show put on by an all-gay cast of guys in which they lip synced to songs, fully diva-ed out. It was so much fun, and we drank and stuffed bills into some of the dancers’ golden speedos. On the way home, I mentioned that I wished her friend had more stage time because he was really good and entertaining. I’m not sure if I said it poorly, but she appeared to get very defensive and upset, saying that everyone was good. I agreed, but wanted to see more of her friend because, to me, he was a stand-out performer. I clearly made her angry, and by the time we got to the bar where her boyfriend was, I tried to keep my mouth shut. We were originally going to go to an area of several different clubs and music venues, but no one was really up for it at this point. So the three of us piled on her boyfriend’s motorbike, very precariously I might add, to head home. Her boyfriend was quite drunk, though, and I felt very unsafe on the back of the bike, even with the tiny helmet I had on. At stop lights, he was actually losing his balance, tipping over the bike and leaning on other drivers or cars. I was hanging on for dear life and just hoping to get back to the house alive. Once we got to a place I knew, at a stop light where he was tipping over yet again, I got off the bike and handed them my helmet, saying I didn’t feel safe and that I’d walk from there, meeting them at home. They were slightly confused, or maybe offended, but I valued my safety over their pride. They didn’t stick around and quickly sped off when the light changed green.
I spent that time walking back to their house in the dark going over everything that had happened the last few days. I can’t remember if I cried during that long walk, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I did. It was past 2am and I was spent, cold, and fragile. My friend passed away, I was alone so far away from home, and I was so uncomfortable where I was staying. I finally reached the house and my co-worker was waiting for me, her boyfriend was relaxing on the couch. “I think you need to leave,” was the first thing out of her mouth. By this point, I was so over everything, I only replied, “OK.” I didn’t know where I would go or how I would get there, but I didn’t care. I started taking my washed clothes off the drying hangers so I could pack up. My host was tailing me, yelling at me to go, to hurry up. I did the best I could, I didn’t fight back, I didn’t object. I just kept saying, “OK, I’m going.” And “I’m trying.” She said I was ungrateful (despite paying for her trip to Ran-Tong), that I was too dependent on them (which I was, but I had also genuinely wanted to hang out with her), and that I was too sad. At that, I couldn’t contain myself anymore and I replied with, “My friend just DIED.” That didn’t seem to affect her one bit, as she continued to rant and rave at me. I packed my things in silence as quickly as I could.
Thankfully, they had the decency to call for a tuk-tuk to pick me up and take me someplace else. I don’t know what I’d have done if they hadn’t. Once I had collected all of my things, I left the house, very unceremoniously, and headed to the curb to wait for my ride. I loaded my things into the tuk-tuk and the driver asked me where I wanted to go. Fortunately for me, I remembered the name of the place the guys from the zip-lining adventure were staying when the tour picked them up. We headed there and I tried not to panic. We got to the Eco Resort and good fortune must have been watching out for me because they had one more room available and I had enough money to get it. That night, or really early morning, I took a warm shower, huddled under the thick comforter, and cried myself to sleep.
The rest of the trip mostly took a turn for the better, even if I was completely on my own and grieving for my friend. I had a comfortable bed, warm water, and I was close to the main part of town so I could walk or hitch a tour to anyplace I wanted to go. However, the first day there I was talking to my ex who was contemplating moving to San Francisco for more job opportunities. He didn’t have anything lined up, but was just thinking about it. Another gut punch. While we had been broken up for several months, we were trying to stay friends, and I was desperate to not lose him. The thought of him moving to San Francisco was devastating. I felt like I was losing everyone I cared about, and couldn’t have been more alone.
To still try to get the most out of my trip, I decided to take in as much as I could, puffy eyes and all. That day, I went to three different animal venues. First was the Monkey School. Here, monkeys held signs with their names, rode little tricycles and picked the correctly numbered tile after they were all shuffled and hidden. I sat in front and got selected to volunteer for a trick. I sat in a chair up front and my hands were tied together. But help was on the way! A monkey jumped on my lap and untied my hands for me before posing for a picture.
Next up was Gator Farm. Here, I got to hold baby alligators, feed the big ones and watch the trainers perform tricks just for me. I could tell that the prehistoric creatures had been fed since they hardly moved and were digesting with their mouths wide open, but they were still scary as hell. The trainer selected an alligator named LaLa for his tricks, giving her a kiss on the snout, rubbing her tongue, and putting his head in her mouth! They asked me if I wanted to get photos with LaLa – of course I did! I climbed into the slippery, tiled island that acted as the stage and also housed 4-5 other large alligators that didn’t seem to care I was there. I posed with LaLa, making sure not to put my weight on her back, gave her a kiss, and nervously put my left hand (I’m a righty) in her mouth!
The last stop of my animal tour was the King Cobra Chiang Mai Show. I got to hold and pose with safe snakes and an iguana, and I watched as several brave (or stupid) men danced with cobras, ducking out of the way at the very last second. They also showed us how they safely milked the cobras’ venom. Unlike the monkeys and alligators, I did not get close to the dangerous cobras. On the way back to the hotel, I passed by bungee jumping and really gave it some thought, but I decided to pass because I didn’t want bad luck or tragedy to strike again.
When I was back at the hotel, I mainly spent my time reading or hanging out by the pool. I occasionally did a little exercise on the elliptical they had, just to try and clear my mind. While I was waiting by the tourist pick-up outside the resort that night, I ran into the fellas I went zip-lining with. I ended up going to dinner with them and then to the area with all the bars and music venues I was supposed to go to with my co-worker. The guys were super nice, bought drinks and danced with me, brightening my spirits a lot after all that had happened. Unfortunately they were leaving the following day so I couldn’t hang out with them more. But I had a ton of fun that night at least, and didn’t feel so alone and hopeless.
I had been walking a lot and out and about. I needed some time to relax, so I planned pampering spa treatments that lasted around 3 hours. I got massaged, covered in mud, scrubbed down by an old lady, and bathed. In treating myself to these indulgences, I let go of inhibitions (I don’t normally get naked in front of random people) and tried to start fresh. It was a wonderful experience and definitely needed.
It was close to my last day in Chiang Mai, so I went to the market and picked up gifts for a bunch of people, haggling the costs down, as is the norm there. I stopped at a foot spa where little fish nibbled at my feet – it really tickled, and I ended the day treating myself to a nice dinner.
My last day in Thailand continued the animal trend. I went to the zoo and the aquarium. Taking a leisurely walk at my own pace while surrounded by so many beautiful animals was a calming way to end my trip – especially after how it started. What was interesting about the zoo in Chiang Mai was that you can buy food and feed several of the animals. You can feed the big cats with bits of raw meat at the end of a stick, fruits and veggies to the giraffes that ate out of your hands, and whole potatoes and small melons to the hippos that had the ugliest teeth I’ve ever seen. Lingering and enjoying nature as long as I could, it was finally time to head back and pack up to return to Los Angeles.
A fun little epilogue to my trip… I met a few people my age on the plane home, all traveling alone. We formed a sort of friend group, sharing a bottle of rum at our layover and talking about our trips and playing cards. It was really nice to feel with people again, and that rum helped me sleep for most of the long flight home. I was picked up at the airport by my parents who were in town visiting me for Christmas. I couldn’t have asked for a better welcome home. After all I had been through during my trip, I needed their hugs and love more than ever.
In the end, my ex didn’t end up going to San Francisco and that relationship self-destructed pretty badly. Looking back, I almost wish he had moved. My host in Thailand posted (then deleted) about me on Facebook, and I didn’t respond. I spent the days after jet-lagged and sick, a likely story after being on a plane, especially so emotionally drained, but at least I was with my parents. I never really talked to any of the people I bonded with despite being connected with them on Facebook for a while – not by choice, but due to time and distance. I found out many months later that Kari passed away after catching a super rare form of pneumonia. I’m still super close to her husband, and I miss her very much.
Whenever people asked me how my trip was, I never knew what to say. I either said too much or too little, but never the full story – it’s complicated. So, here it is as I remember it, probably with many flaws and misremembered events. While I might not remember the trip exactly how it happened, I definitely remember how it made me feel, and ultimately how it made me grow. I was completely alone in a place where I didn’t know the language, kicked out in the middle of the night, found out my close friend died, thought my best friend (and ex) was moving away, and yet I still made it through. I grieved on my own, but managed to handle my shit. I didn’t run home, but I stayed and enjoyed myself the best I could. I met good people and felt valued. I don’t feel as hesitant to do things alone anymore because I know I’ll be okay.
So, yeah… It’s not easy to wrap this one up either it seems…
