A Tough Nut to Crack

It’s been almost three years since I lost a great friend, Kari, to a rare case of pneumonia (if I remember correctly). In her case, she caught it unknowingly and within a day, she died in her sleep. Even if the illness was caught, it would’ve taken doctors some time to figure out what strain it was and I’m not sure if there was a cure. It was sudden and shocking to say the least. And it was a devastating blow emotionally. I found out about it while I was on vacation alone in Thailand (more on that later). I missed her service and had to grieve on my own in a foreign country. To put it mildly, I don’t handle death well (I’m not really sure who does), and she was the closest person to me that I’ve lost so far. Instead of being all about death and grief, however, I’m going to get all mushy and share a few of the best memories I have of her with you.

A day of mini-golf

I met Kari in college when we both worked for Blockbuster Video and shared a few film studies classes. She was a quiet person who you couldn’t exactly read right off the bat. Somehow, though, I broke through her stoicism and we got along famously. For a while, she was my manager at Blockbuster and I would always beg her for the non-customer service jobs (i.e., prepping inventory, putting movies away, or straightening the shelves). Since we both hated dealing with the general public, as long as there was someone manning the registers, she let me get away with pretty much anything I wanted to do.

During college, Kari would always host parties at her place just off campus. We often played games like King’s Cup, Truth or Dare, Drinking Jenga or I’ve Never. When we were in the same classes, we would sit next to each other and play 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon on paper and try to stump each other. Also during that time, she helped me through my break-up with my first real boyfriend, who I had been with for around 6 years.

After college, we moved in together in the O.C. I remember teaching her how to tap dance in our kitchen, getting into water bottle battles, and staying up late re-watching the entire run of “Sex and the City” with our combined 10 free rentals a week from Blockbuster. We would play board games, talk endlessly about movies, music, TV and guys, or play Bubble Bobble for hours on end. She wasn’t one to offer up much about herself, but I had a knack for asking her the right questions to get her talking. For the 4th of July, we would go down to her mom’s house and light our own fireworks. We went to many concerts together - Pink, Paramore, Weezer, Green Day, Jimmy Eat World. She always wanted to go to karaoke just to hear me sing - she would never sing in front of people. We had our song - “Praise Chorus” by Jimmy Eat World - and would always sing together, me taking melody, her harmony. I still think of her whenever it comes on. She was there for me during my break-up with my second long-term boyfriend, taking me to the Pet Expo to try and cheer me up. She also sent cupcakes to my work the next day. I think that was the sweetest gesture to me from anyone. I was there during her break-up with her long-term boyfriend. And there during her introduction and eventual marriage to an amazing man who adored her (and still does).

One time, we were playing cards and a song came on her iPod that struck me as funny at the time due to its randomness. I started laughing and then she started in, it was contagious and we couldn’t stop. Her boyfriend at the time came into the room to see what was going on and thought we were laughing because he made a lame joke. She and I looked at each other for a moment and we both lost it all over again. His pride at his failed joke made us laugh even harder, so much we were crying.

Another time, we were on a road trip with several friends to San Diego, making a stop in Mexico. Kari and I were in the backseat, acting like brats and teasing the driver like she was our mom. I’m sure it was only funny to us.

We went to the OC fair together to see Demolition Derby and go on the rides. The “Zipper” was always a must. We went to Magic Mountain during the rainy season and got to go on “X-2” around 4 times in a row, leaving us pretty unstable and ready to go home early (totally worth it). She introduced me to white water rafting in Kern River, where we rented a cabin and stayed up all night playing games.

Rafting in Kern River

The last time I saw her was at the LA Haunted Hayride. I wore fleece pants, so every single piece of hay got stuck in them during the ride. Being the great (and tolerant) friend she was, she sat with my butt in her face picking out the hay, one straw at a time, for probably 15 minutes.

At the LA Haunted Hayride

Kari, while not an easy nut to crack, was nothing but a softy on the inside. She loved animals with her whole heart, and was extraordinarily thoughtful. She would hand-make unique presents for her friends and family, or remember something specific they wanted from earlier in the year and get it for Christmas. We were very different in terms of personality, but she was like the yin to my yang. She was smart and loving. She would rarely cry, but things mattered to her even if she didn’t show it. Even though we didn’t live very close once I moved up to LA, we made the effort to write each other or talk on the phone or take a day (even planning months in advance) to hang out and spend time with each other, playing Rock Band or Dance Dance Revolution. I was supposed to meet up with her after my trip to Thailand. I haven’t really talked about her since she passed because maybe I wasn’t sure of what to say. It was easier to make sure her husband was OK than worry about myself. Now, it’s obvious to me how much she meant to me and how much I miss her. I wish I could tell her about my life, romance and career, and that I could pry her about hers. I wish I could give her a hug, her resting her chin on my head. The memories of our times together are flooding back and I cherish each and every one of them.