Pucker Up!

I’ve been single/dating for almost three (maybe even four) years now, to no avail. There was one guy a year ago now that I genuinely liked (and wrote about), but I haven’t been excited about anyone since. At a certain point, I wonder if I’m the problem. My friend, M, thought maybe I was being too picky, so I told him I wanted to conduct an experiment.

I had M use my Tinder and OK Cupid profiles, just for the quick matches (i.e., looking at someone’s picture and judging based on that). He knows what kind of guys I’m attracted to and that I don’t want kids, and I trust him. I watched as he continually swiped “No” for guy after guy after guy. Eventually, he shook his head and said, “I’m sorry. There aren’t any good options.” I sadly agreed with him.

I’m not sure if it’s dating culture as a whole or just the dating culture in Los Angeles. Whatever it is, I hope to be able to find my unicorn somewhere, and soon. Dating is exhausting. Sure, it can be fun, but it’s tiring and stressful and sometimes very discouraging. Maybe you think you had a great date and never hear from them again. Maybe you didn’t like them, but they keep trying to contact you. Maybe you’d rather stay at home watching TV with your cat instead of spending and hour getting gussied up for someone who won’t even offer to split the cost for a game of billiards. Maybe you meet an okay-looking gentleman, who, when he finds out you’re an actor, insists that he doesn’t date actors, only models. Maybe you start chatting with someone who seems like a nice possibility, but then they tell you details about a threesome they just had with other people. The whole situation baffles me.

I get it – it’s hard for guys too. But if it’s hard for both parties, how does anyone find someone? I’ve gone to singles’ meetups, speed-dating events, use several online apps, and go out to bars that I like – nothing.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t NEED someone. And I definitely don’t want to waste time in the wrong relationship because I can’t be alone. I like having alone time and being with my friends. But I also love love. I love getting excited about someone. I love when someone rubs my hair when I’ve had a bad day. I love doing romantic gestures for someone. Kissing, giving gifts, holding hands, cuddling, having “date nights”.

There have been plenty of articles written about dating apps and/or hook-up culture, and I agree with most of it and don’t have anything new to add. It’s all pretty bleak. My other friend, T, had some kind words when I asked her if I was being too picky. She told me I wasn’t, but that I had standards. My October romance last year showed me what kind of relationship I’d like to have and that I shouldn’t settle for anything less. In the meantime, I guess I just have to kiss a lot of frogs. Pucker up!