When Enough is Enough (Part 2)

Removing someone from your life sucks. Especially if they’ve played a significant part in it. Unfortunately, not all relationships are built to last.

I used to have such a problem with removing exes from my life. I desperately wanted to stay friends. I thought if a person and I were together for that long, there must be something worth salvaging. At least a friendship, right? There’s a reason why staying friends with an ex isn’t common, even if the break-up was amicable. It’s hard to put those romantic feelings away. It’s hard to see someone move on from what you had together, or have something better with someone else. It’s hard to completely let go of the memories so you can move on to something (hopefully) better.

Thankfully, my first long-term relationship didn’t end well, so it was easier to put aside. But, boy, my last long-term relationship got ridiculously messy. We both wanted to maintain the friendship and promises were made, but the way we each went about it (and what we fundamentally needed from each other) was drastically different. The push-and-pull between us got so clouded, and I don’t think we ever fought as much as during that time of (ironically) trying to stay friends.

Eventually, our friendship tapered off through me moving and him finding a new relationship to immerse himself in. But it was really more than that. We might have started off okay, but we became amazingly awful for each other. We were never able to give each other what we needed in the WAY we needed it, causing resentment and arguments and tears. We were toxic for each other. We beat each other down emotionally. Even after, as “friends”, we could never get back to that elusive happiness we would occasionally have together.

And the more distance I put between myself and that toxicity, the more I see what didn’t work. What I settled for that I shouldn’t have. What of myself and my dreams I gave up. A real (good) relationship shouldn’t require one side losing themselves to make things work. There should be compromise, and I was the only one compromising myself. With time, I grow stronger and more able to resist the manipulation of the past. I can now step up and say what’s bothering me and why I’m angry without being worried that he’ll leave me. He already did – in every way he could – and I’m so much better for it.

In relationships – and this goes for friendships, too – sometimes, you’re just not compatible with each other, and you should end things before you put yourself through unnecessary misery. If you’re both not getting what you need, what’s the point? The people I want to keep in my life are there for a reason: they make me a better person for knowing them.