See Reverse for Care

Sometimes I wish we all had “care” tags, like clothes do. Where we would come into the world already knowing how we need to be loved and cared for, whether by ourselves or by others. But we don’t come out of the box knowing anything, let alone things as complicated as love and emotions. Therein lies the journey of self-discovery.

The majority of my friends is single – as am I – and most are hoping to find a significant other soon. I definitely want to find someone too… eventually. Having been in 2 relationships for around 12 years of my adult life (way over half), and having desperately tried the online dating thing a bunch, I’ve been mostly enjoying the single life recently.

I’m the kind of person that loses myself in relationships. I consider the other person in everything I do. I compromise, sometimes too much. I don’t take time for myself and do things I want. I used to get into arguments with an ex because he didn’t want to do something and I didn’t want to do it alone – so I wouldn’t, which I would then regret.

I’ve not had a lot of single time to find out what I like, what I’m looking for in a relationship or person – or even myself. It’s a nice change. I can do what I want without having to check in with someone to confirm about plans. I can hang out with people at the last minute. I can take up the whole bed. I can find out what I like in a partner by dating. I can enjoy quiet “me” time, which I get way too little of as it is. I’ve turned my attention to furthering my career. In the time I’ve embraced being single (around six months), I think I’ve produced or acted in at least ten projects, and have several more in the calendar.

In those six months, I’ve made new friends and new contacts, and strengthened the friendships I already had. I also take time to better myself, whether that means going to the gym, cooking healthy food or seeing a therapist. I also love and watch horror movies; my last ex hated them, so I’d never get to watch them. I don’t feel dependent on anyone but myself – which is the first person I should be taking care of anyway.

I feel like I have a lot of catching up to do. People tend to date around and soul-search in college, but I missed that part. I don’t want to say I’m acting crazy now, but if I go out and end up making out with some random guy, who cares? If I want to go on a trip to Vegas for the weekend with girl friends, I don’t have to worry about anyone back at home. There’s a freedom in being single that I think people tend to take for granted. There is so much pressure to pair up and settle down. But I think we should be in good relationships with ourselves first, and people (as a whole) tend to skip over that part. I want to swim in it. I want to figure myself out. I want to feel good in my skin before I let someone else see it. I don’t want to depend on someone else to make me whole. I want to do that for myself.